Anchorman

Yes, I know I'm one of a few... but I absolutely despise Anchorman, along with many other of Will's films. So today I had to write a paper on this movie.. So not only did I have to watch this painful movie, but I also had to write a painful paper.

I'm currently resting my brain and enjoying some Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman season 3!! WAHOO

My hat's off to last night's redneck party was something so sweet! It was such a good time! I just want to say thanks for all of the fun times. I greatly enjoyed the redneck games, the redneck horse shoes really allowed me to show off some hidden talent!

I'm really excited about Christmas too!! Yay for Christmas shopping! I loved the bells filling the air, the lights, the music, the clothing, the people buying gifts for others! It's just so exciting. I really love to take time searching for to perfect gift to fit a personality. I'm really excited about going home for the holidays! It's going to be such a great time! Lord, help me write my testimony! It's going to go so well... I'm super excited!


Song of the night: If Tomorrow Never Comes by Garth Brooks

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

A book that I don't know how I feel about

So, most people know that I have picked up an English minor (which I'm super excited about). Unfortunately, I read this book called "Bastard out of Carolina (South Carolina)" for one of my classes. Basically, the story revolves around a little girl who is illegitimate and living with her mom and younger sister. Her mother remarries and the guy is a real jerk to her. The family has all these problems (drunken Uncles, cancer ridden aunt, lesbian aunt, high strung/crazy grandma, only friend might be the spawn of Satan, and her daddy molests/beats/rapes her). These are just a few of the issues the family has. I just can not bring myself to make peace with the ending of this book. The mother chose her husband over her child because she "loved" him, even though she walked in on him raping and almost beating her child to death. It wasn't as though the mother didn't try to protect her child, but it was one of those relationships where "she loves him and he can change".

I guess I don't understand why a mother would choose to leave her child with one of her aunts and go off with the other child (whom the daddy likes) and the father to make a new life somewhere else. I didn't grow up in a family structure that was anything like that. My mother would go to hell and back to save us from anything or anyone who wanted to hurt us. She would NEVER EVER EVER let someone put their hands on us. My daddy would kill anyone who would ever hurt us. I am just very thankful to have grown up with a family as great as mine is. I can't help but feel horrible for anyone who would ever grow up in an atmosphere like that. Unfortunately, I can't help but realize that there are families like that out there and that really breaks my heart. I will make ABSOLUTELY sure that my children will never feel the way this little girl does in this book.

I know that was a long ramble about a book but I'm really upset with the ending. Read the book because it is worth reading, it's just hard to read without listening to hymns playing in the background to remind you that Jesus loves me.

Song of the Night: Young Love by Wynonna Judd

She was sitting crossed legged on a hood of a ford
Filing down her nails with a emory board
Talking to her friends about people they knew
And allof the things that young girls do
When she said you see that guy in the baseball cap
I'd like to spend some time with a boy like that
Betty said I seen him at the hardware store
I think his name is Billy, but i'm not sure
And as they talked a little while he passed by
She smiled at him he just said "hi"
He was thinking to him self as he walked away
Man I'd like to find a girl like her someday

(Chorus)

Young love, strong love, true love
It's a new love
Their gonna make it through the hard times
Walk those lines

Young love
We'll she just couldn't stop her self from thinking about him
And at a store downtown she saw him again
she had both hands full
He held open the door
Said my name is Billy
I've seen you before
Can I help you with these
Can I give you a ride
Can I take you out on a Saturday night
She didn't have to say what she was feeling inside
He could see the answer shining in her eyes

(Chorus)

We'll from that day on
You couldn't keep them apart
They were side by side, heart to heart
Momma cried as Billy slipped the ring on her hand
And when the baby was born she was crying again
Well he worked real hard and put some money down
On a little old house at the edge of town
And that night as he held her he couldn't believe
That god had made a girl that he'd never ever leave

(Chorus)

She was sitting crossed legged on the hood of a ford
Filing down her nails with an emory board

My family

I've decided that I have the best family on the face of the planet!

I called my Grandma Parsons tonight and she was giving me a recipe for her pecan pie. I made one tonight and it didn't turn out. :( I've always known that I have a great family, but I was reminded that I am loved tonight. I really miss them... all of them! I need to go home soon.

Yoke of slavery...

No, this is not an actual "slavery" blog, I think everyone knows that I don't like to talk about that part of history. This is in reference to a passage from Galatians.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

I keep thinking more and more about my Chapter Retreat testimony and the idea of being a slave to something, whether it be physical or emotional. For me, I have been a slave to fitting into a certain category. Not that categories are all bad or that it isn't good to know yourself, but when it becomes an obsession, that's a problem. In all honesty, there are very few people's opinions that mean anything to me. I've always been the person who is like, "well that's you're opinion, get over it". But at the same time, I have struggled with the portrait of myself that I allow the world to see. The slavery I've been under is mental more than anything else.

I have been a slave to being "moral" (whatever that looks like), I have been a slave to being humble (to the point of not taking credit for anything), I have been a slave to outwardly appearing whole, while my insides are ripped apart. This is not meant to be a depressing blog, because I'm moving past all of that!.. But it came to the point that I couldn't handle being moral anymore (and I wanted to test God on that one), I didn't want to be humble (I felt like I deserved to take credit for the good things I did), I showed my brokenness and I acted on it (sometimes to my detriment).

I'm amazed at how construed the image of myself became. I went from one extreme to another. Unfortunately this wasn't much more freeing. I found myself completely unhappy there too. I feel like when I look back I see that God wants me to take these things in moderation. Morality is good, but it can also be a major turn off if you are "all high and mighty acting". I've never felt like I'm a stuck up, but I ***Know*** for a fact that I am afraid to act the fool. I am so easily embarrassed it isn't even funny and I am plagued by my memories of times when I have felt completely embarrassed. I know that sounds silly, but I never wanted to be laughed at, which is usually why I stay out of the center of attention, even to this day.

Having grown up not being razor thin has had an effect on me. I'm not huge by any means, but I don't want to be looked at. My self confidence is definitely lacking in many areas but I think the hardest thing for me is to feel loved. That's never been a problem with my family because we are so touchy feely. Jesus has been pounding at my heart with this. He wants me to let him love me and to show me how others want to love on me in a different way. My self confidence has also been a hindrance in my relationships with guys. Yes, I want that intimate feeling but I have a hard time trusting that a guy would want me because he loves me and not just for other things... (You get the picture).

I see these godly men (who are by no means perfect) and I want them to hold me and look at me like I feel Jesus looks at me. I want to look at him in the same way. Maybe that sounds like a fairy tale, but I think it's real. There is so much of me that I feel the need to share but finding the courage to bring everything out in the open is always hard.

Praise the Lord that I'm doing better. I'm finding my peace and I'm working on my relationship with God. I'm far from getting it down, but I'm still around. I'm still seeking and looking. I still want answers that I might not ever get, but that doesn't keep me from wanting them. I feel like Jesus answers every single prayer that we ask of him, it just isn't the answer we want. But then again, do we always give him the answers he wants...??

Just in case you didn't know.. I love hymns and I'll throw them in frequently.. :)

Song of the day.. There is Power in the Blood

Would you be free from the burden of sin?
There’s power in the blood, power in the blood;
Would you o’er evil a victory win?
There’s wonderful power in the blood.

Refrain

There is power, power, wonder working power
In the blood of the Lamb;
There is power, power, wonder working power
In the precious blood of the Lamb.

Would you be free from your passion and pride?
There’s power in the blood, power in the blood;
Come for a cleansing to Calvary’s tide;
There’s wonderful power in the blood.

Refrain

Would you be whiter, much whiter than snow?
There’s power in the blood, power in the blood;
Sin stains are lost in its life giving flow.
There’s wonderful power in the blood.

Refrain

Would you do service for Jesus your King?
There’s power in the blood, power in the blood;
Would you live daily His praises to sing?
There’s wonderful power in the blood.

Refrain

A room of my own...

Just in case you're wondering... I'm not only talking about my room, but I'm also referencing the famous modernist writer, Virginia Woolf.

I have had a day filled with Economics and English literature. Tomorrow is going to be a very busy day so I'm taking a moment to stop and reflect on my room. I definitely believe that the room is an extension of the self. There are so many character traits that you can pick out about a person by the type of room they keep and how it is decorated. So naturally, I'm observing my own. My bed is simple, a blue down comforter, 2 white down pillows, a throw pillow, and the quilt I made for myself. My walls all have something on them, mainly pictures. There are those I have loved, those I have never known, those I respect and admire and they each add a little character to my room. I have butterflies scattered throughout my room because they are my favorite and remind me of home in the summer time. Overall, I would describe my room as comfortable and warm. A place to retreat to from the harsh outside world.

I think one of the most interesting parts of my room are the pictures. I have so many of them and I want them plastered everywhere. It is comforting to have the faces of those whom I have loved, looking at me. I think it shows how much I admire the people who have influenced me in some way or another and their display serves as a constant reminder that God has never left my side.
So even though I'm stressing out and worrying, when I look at my pictures and go through my photo albums, I find relief in my sanctuary. A room of my own.

Song of the night: Farther Along (Hymn Brad Paisley Sings)

Tempted and tried, we're oft made to wonder
Why it should be thus all the day long,
While there are others living about us,
Never molested, though in the wrong.
Farther along we'll know all about it,
Farther along we'll understand why;
Cheer up my brother, live in the sunshine,
We'll understand it all by and by.

When death has come and taken our loved ones,
It leaves our home so lonely and drear,
Then do we wonder why others prosper
Living so wicked year after year.


Farther along we'll know all about it,
Farther along we'll understand why;
Cheer up my brother, live in the sunshine,
We'll understand it all by and by.

Faithful til death, said our loving Master
A few more days to labor and wait,
Toils of the road will then seem as nothing
As we sweet through the beautiful gate.


Farther along we'll know all about it,
Farther along we'll understand why;
Cheer up my brother, live in the sunshine,
We'll understand it all by and by.

When we see Jesus, coming in glory,
When He comes from His home in the sky,
Then we shall meet Him in that bright mansion,
We'll understand it all by and by.


Farther along we'll know all about it,
Farther along we'll understand why;
Cheer up my brother, live in the sunshine,
We'll understand it all by and by.

Weekend whirls...

This weekend was not the greatest one known to man, but it wasn't the worst either. Unfortunately, my stomach decided to pull one of its stunts and screw itself up royally for most of the weekend. Usually, I know the culprit, but this time I'm at a loss. It still isn't great but it is better than what it was. I think it might be the stress of this upcoming week. I have a LOT to do. I'm just praying that I get through Tuesday in one piece. I have a test and a lot of reading that will be due on Tuesday and I might lose my mind before the time comes....

I did get to spend some time with my favorite Jennie and the deet crew, which was AMAZING.

Also this weekend while I was piled up in my bed, I spent quite a lot of time with Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman for a marathon 3 days.. So among some reading, dozing off while reading, watching DQMW, managing to go to work for a while, finally feeling good enough to go out with my friends like I should have been able to do all along, studying for my econ exam, and beginning to write 0ne of the two memoirs that I have to do, I still don't feel very productive or good about this weekend.

Ok, enough complaining and moaning... life goes on and class begins again tomorrow. I really need to get on some things and hopefully it will all work out.

SMILE!!! It's all we can do!

Song of the night: "What God Hath Promised"

God hath not promised skies always blue,
Flower strewn pathways all our lives through;
God hath not promised sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

Refrain

But God hath promised strength for the day,
Rest for the labor, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

God hath not promised we shall not know
Toil and temptation, trouble and woe;
He hath not told us we shall not bear
Many a burden, many a care.

Refrain

God hath not promised smooth roads and wide,
Swift, easy travel, needing no guide;
Never a mountain rocky and steep,
Never a river turbid and deep.

Refrain

The walk of SHAME...

In case you don't know, I titled this blog "The walk of SHAME" in honor of the people I saw walking in their Halloween costumes to South Campus at 10:00 this morning. I sincerely hope they had a great time. NEXT TOPIC

So, I'm working on the testimony for Chapter Retreat and I have my topic; I have some thoughts; I have some words; I have some scripture, but now I HAVE to string them all together and make a coherent testimony. I remember South Chapter Retreat (throw back to before the times of 1 chapter) and how impressive and influencing the Seniors were... I definitely just had an "I'm getting old" moment. I feel like I have a lot to say but I have got to make it concise to make my point... there definitely is a point (contrary to what some might say).

On another note.. I have to write two more memoirs for my English classes so, I now need two more topics from my life. Honestly, I'm not that interesting so it might be a struggle to pull out 8 pages worth of stuff. My first two memoirs were really good and I want to keep raising the bar, so I need to get hoppin.

So this is obviously this is a blog of random thoughts today, so here is another one. I love Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman (I mean really... how could you not). So, my friend Kelli allowed me to borrow season 1 and season 2 of Dr. Quinn. Needless to say, I spent all of last night watching 6 episodes (spread out, naturally). So for any of you that want to know what to get me for Christmas, a season of Dr. Quinn would be PERFECT... hint hint. Just in case you're wondering why I like Jane Seymour so much, it's because she is classy. She reminds me of two of my other favorite actresses, Julie Andrews and Deborah Kerr. She was also best friends with June Carter Cash, whom I love and adore! You can see June and Johnny in a few Dr. Quinn episodes.


Song of the day: "Me and Bobby McGhee" ~ Sung by Janice Joplin, written by Kris Kristofferson

Busted flat in Baton Rouge, waitin' for a train
And I's feelin' near as faded as my jeans
Bobby thumbed a diesel down just before it rained
It rode us all the way into New Orleans
I pulled my harpoon out of my dirty red bandana
I's playin' soft while Bobby sang the blues, yeah
Windshield wipers slappin' time, I's holdin' Bobby's hand in mine
We sang every song that driver knew, yeah

 Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose
 Nothin' don't mean nothin' hon' if it ain't free, no no
 And feelin' good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues
 You know, feelin' good was good enough for me
 Good enough for me and my Bobby McGee

From the Kentucky coal mine to the California sun
There Bobby shared the secrets of my soul
Through all kinds of weather, through everything we done
Yeah, Bobby baby kept me from the cold
One day up near Salinas, Lord, I let him slip away
He's lookin' for that home and I hope he finds it
But I'd trade all o' my tomorrows for one single yesterday
To be holdin' Bobby's body next to mine

 Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose
 Nothin', that's all that Bobby left me, yeah
 But if feelin' good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues
 Hey, feelin' good was good enough for me, mm-hmm
 Good enough for me and my Bobby McGee

La-da-da  La-da-da-da  La-da-da da-da da-da
La-da-da da-la-da la-da, Bobby McGee, yeah
La-da-la-da-la-da  La-da-la-da-da
La-da-la-da-la-la, Bobby McGee, yeah
La-da-da  La-da-da La da-da La da-da
La-da-da La da-da La da-da
Hey, my Bobby, Lord, my Bobby McGee, yeah
Lo-da-lo  da-la-lo-da-la
Lo-da-la-lo  da-la-lo la-la-lo la-la-lo la-la
Hey, my Bobby, Lord, my Bobby McGee, yeah

Lord, I call him my lover, call him my man
I said I call him my lover, did the best I can, c'mon
Hey now Bobby now, hey now Bobby McGee, yeah
La-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-la
Hey, hey, hey, Bobby McGee, Lord!

La-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la
Hey, hey, hey, Bobby McGee, yeah